Marriage

I think I have finally realized the full weight/responsibility of being a mother and sacrificing. For better or for worse I am with my husband. He is truly my best friend but there are times that I wish I could be single again fantasizing about what true love might really be like. Perhaps I have become disillusioned by all these fairytales I watched as a child. I find myself longing for a new partner perhaps but understanding that no matter who I am with I will always feel this deep seeded loneliness. I realize that no man can fill this deep ache I have but somehow I wish they could.

My husband is a wonderful man he truly is. I think of every other man I have ever dated and I know what I have and appreciate it, but I long to be with someone who appreciates me, thanks his lucky stars to have found me and have me. My husband always seems to be wrapped up in what he is doing and what he wants. Its hard to even get him to talk and listen. Is it wrong to be losing interest in him day by day? I think to myself "is this what I am going to have for the next 60 years maybe worse as years go by?" I don't expect fire and intensity obviously, I know that those things fade, but gees we have only been married for 3 years and he is losing interest. I haven't gained any weight, have not given up on my appearance or general hygiene. Have I really changed that much that he is disinterested after so little time?

Perhaps I am the sort of person to engage one's interest for a short period of time, but then lose it soon after. I often wonder if I am a wife/marriage material or simply good for a short run.