Certainly not my First and Most Likely not my Last

So as I sit here staring at an empty screen, I realize that I am at a loss as to where to start exactly. However, words have never been my problem;).

I wonder what keeps us all going from the tedium of the every day. What makes certain people truly passionate about life while others muddle through avoiding any contact with danger. I find that as I age it becomes harder and harder for me to feel happy. Strike that...it takes MORE for me to feel happy. I can remember times not so long ago where watching the sun set was enough to make me happy and now I expect vacations and such to do the trick. What was it that made me so different then where I could be fulfilled by such small things and now I have trouble. Sometimes I feel that the culprit of this need to have more to be happy is the responsibility that weighs so heavy on my chest as well as the bittrsweetness I feel at being an adult.

For years I impatiently waited to be 16...18...21...25, and now I wish I had enjoyed those years and what they stood for...independence, naivete, innocence. The world seems harsher now, more unforgiving and with each new daunting task I overcome I feel a little more hardened to the ways of the world, a little more untrusting. Sure this may seem a little cynical but I heard a quote once which is truly fitting..."a cynic is simply a disappointed idealist." I am not always a cynic but I have definitely had my share of difficult experiences as has everyone I realize but we all have our ways of coping with these events.

The real question I face at the end of this lamenting is this...how can I overcome my fear? That's really what it is all about...my fear of rejection, fear of failing, fear of abandonment, my overall fear that some day I will look back and wonder "what if.."