I have had an epiphany of sorts maybe I always knew. Why are men and women so different? Or is it that we tend to gravitate towards those who are opposite us instead of gravitating towards others who are similar.
As a wife and mother I realize that my "job" is 24/7 while my spouse's is 40 hours a week. He comes home to a clean home, hot meal on the table, laundry put away, etc and relaxes. It appears that he never really notices or questions how those clothes got put away, why the kids are clean, fed and in bed by 7. His job ends after a certain amount of PAID hours and mine never even allows an hour to myself. My children sleep on different napping schedules you see. My day begins at 6 am and ends at 7. Now at this point I hope others can appreciate that by 7pm I want to take a shower (because I haven't had one all day) and have some adult conversation. I feel that when you are courting (before the sex gets involved) you get an eager listener out of your male counterpart. They seem to hang on your every word and are perfectly content simply cuddling on the couch occasionally. However, once you sleep with them that is all that matters. I never quite understood what my female ancestors meant when they said that sex becomes just the last chore of the day. I never considered myself a resentful person but now it becomes a resentment. And I have to say the idea of even working full time and still doing the household chores and taking care of the kids and HIS needs scares me beyond belief...how can I manage if I can't seem to make it as a stay at home mom.
I find myself looking at this Jon and Kate Gosselin stuff unfolding and thinking "yes yes he wants to go out and live life and be wild but where is her turn?" It could make a person go crazy thinking that when we as couples made the choice (as a couple) to have children we women never fully grasped that we would in all essence actually be single parents.
I never realized how lonely you could feel being surrounded by a sea of people. There are definitely days I would love to just walk away from everything here, but then I realize that my children would never trust me again and I could never forgive myself. And as I write my own book of life I realize that my choices even today decide what I will have to look back on when I read my completed book called life.
Still....it would be nice to have a best friend, a partner, someone who makes me feel like I am on top of the world. Instead I find myself always angry, resentful, even contemplating why I am married if I am truly alone anyway.
